fker

2009-12-10T23:04:00.004+08:00

firstly . tis is a short post for my precious loved ones .

ash bro : although i noe u wun read tis but i will still type it cos tis is my feelings for u . 6 yrs wasnt easy to get pass . leds carry tis brotherhood down till forever . last long wit ur gal . any problems im the 1st 1 to be out dere for u . mark my words . huever disturb ur r/s is an enemy of mine !

xinyi mei : u r a xigua . tt belongs to me . i wun led ppl snatch u . anybody tt harms u shall also be my enemy . (; tc of urself in genting yeas . drink n eat more . my xigua no meat no delicious ;x

xuan sis : u ahs . dun so emotional . ppl is brain control heart . u is heart control brain . dun simi sai also follow feelings . i did tt since young till now . used to it . cant change . but it isnt a good habit (; honestly . anybody tt goes against u . not my enemy . cos u can gao dim urself (; but if u nid a ear . im dere .

jena mei : i noe u r grounded . nth much u can do . but u r always in my heart . trust me . i aint nid ur hugs . i aint nid ur kiss . i aint nid ur heart . u can gif these away to others . cos all i nid is a mei tt cares bout herself . tc of urself . i noe u wun torture urself physically . but mentally . studying is a torture but bear wit it . it will be over soon . tc (;

will b back to post later <3

EDITED

a sweet thing for u peeps to read .

there is a line tt links our heart .
i named it the 'bridge of love' .
is not an item . is not a promise .
neither is it a thing tt can be seen .
is smth to be felt wit our hearts .
i wun extend the time we spend tgt .
neither would i extend the feelings .
i wun increase my love for u .
cos i aint noe how to do all these .
but if im granted a wish .
i would extend the 'bridge of love' .
so tt no matter where or when .
i will be there for u when u nid me .

some short sentence to make ur gf feel sweet (;

- i would be ur dustbin for u to throw ur love and rubbish in me . cos i nid to love both ur weakness and strong points . not jus the strong points .

- it helps to tink tt we both r under the same sky . therefore we aint far apart .

- i wun pluck the stars from the sky . cos the onli thing i wanna pluck is ur heart . and lock it deep down into my heart for u to feel my heartbeat .

- i wun go thru fire and mountains for u . for i nidda take care of u for eternity .

- forever is smth tt dun exist . cos it doesnt exist . leds be the 1st 1 to create history .

- im sorrie i cant be dere for u when u nid me . not cos i was busy flirting . but cos i was late in getting u tis present . ( gif her the present u bought or made )

- ur hugs ur kisses r not needed . ur love isnt needed . neither is ur heart needed . cos u r in my heart . tt's y no matter wad u do . i noe u r mine for life .

- i dun nid her ( 3rd party ) cos i can live wit her . but i nid u . cos i cant live without u .

- i love u = 2 words . cos i and u r 1 .

- i guess ur legs r tired . cos u've been running thru my mind day and night .

tt's it for now folks . gd luk in ur love r/s (; last long to all couples !

2009-11-28T23:12:00.005+08:00

tis is the sexy story i created wit audi faces <3

does tis desktop looks familiar ?! LOLS

wahahahahas ! im fking high ;x

chill lurhs ding dong . i noe u still cant get over him alrights . im here for u . (; u noe hu im talking bout right . AYHM . guess urself . hahas .

suddenly got many thoughts . i dunno to be happy . sad . emo . pain . or even none . i feel so numb till i dunno wad feeling is wad feeling already . smile when u r sad . cry when u r happy . hate when u love . love when u forget . hais . life is such a joke . everything comes the wrong way ~

2009-11-25T02:16:00.002+08:00

y does all things comes at the wrong timing lols .
im so sian of tis life . when i nid the things . nth comes .
when i dun nid . everything keeps coming .
pls led me haf 1 thing tt goes in my way at least ?
im really sick n tired of tis nth-goes-right life .
hais . pls jus led me do 1 thing tt goes right .
which is to forget my past and lose my soul ~
at least led me lose my soul . i wun feel a thing .

jus led me be numb lyk how my heart is pls .
emo and smile . hurt but painless (;

missing is a painful though ~
sighing is a painful breath ~
loving is a painful feel ~

starting is a sour feel ~
ending is a sweet taste ~
fantasy is a nvr ending tale ~
reality is a cruel fact ~

many things dun seem to go the way ppl wished ~
but many things comes for its reason .
the reason will not be shown at instant .
but will onli realise the reason later ~

a cracked heart will also haf a crack ~
but nobody ever tot of smth ~
a cracked heart is still a full heart ~

-speechless-
tc peeps <3

2009-11-22T00:14:00.003+08:00

alrights . 1stly . thx to --ahXUAN for helping me edit .
xiexie ni loads <3 .

life became empty . heart became empty . feelings faded . nth went smoothly . having 2nd thoughts bout goin to korea . feel dam down . dunno wad's wrong . mood swing . sibei low suddenly . jus a trip dere for 8 days . nid to spent 1k over for clothings . and god noes how many (k) for the air ticket . sians . really dunno whether i shld go . sick n tired of tis life . would god allow me to change another life ? of cos im happy wit the frens i haf . but y mus all stead end up the same ? can i haf a change ? a change as in the way i brk wit steads ? y mus i always b the 1 enduring all the pain in silent . is tt how my name came about ? mus i always keep quiet and bear everything to myself ? am i jus born to gif happiness and take sadness . jus lyk how a tree gif oxygen and takes in carbon dioxide ? i dun wanna haf tis life really . can i jus end it by putting a fullstop ? or mus i also end it wit pain . y does everything comes to me . be it the pain . the sadness . the heartaches . do i really haf to endure tis . i really wonder y . when i nid a shoulder . the shoulder is nvr dere . when i nid a listening ear . i cant seem to speak up . when im feeling down . i dunno hu the fk i shld be missing . when im fall down . nobody is dere to pick me up . but if all tis happens on others . im always dere at the right place right time . hais .

2009-11-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

Ahxuan here :D

thanks me for editing ur blog okay !

and ofcourse i wont go without leaving my footstep here hoho :D

cheer up man u got me la dey :D

AHXUAN HUAT UR WORLD ;shy

2009-11-20T04:59:00.000+08:00

tis blog serves no purpose to me anymore !
fk myself for changing for the btr .
wad's the fking use ?! NO USE I TELL U NO USE !
be my ah beng self btr right ? cb at least got ppl pei .
now ? wad i get ? 4 months of happiness and ?
AND NOTHING ! SADNESS ! mayb ?
lols . fk myself la . useless piece of shyt .
i dun even haf a fking picture to look at .
but now ? i got a picture . of u and him . not me n u .
HAHAS . wonderful life . shld i cont posting ?
even if i do . shld it be in tis blog ?
cut down wad smoking laaaaaaaaaa .
dun be ah beng for waddddddddd .
i do so much in 4 months . in xchange for sadness ? LOLS
wad a wonderful life . buy wad toy . wad er zi nu er all PUI !
dun go out ton for waddddddddd .
wad do i get ? lesser frens ? yes ! tt's right . lesser frens !
now hu to go out wit ? NOBODY HAHAHAHAHS .
jus a picture of u n him ! hahas !
aiyahs . hu to blame ? myself lors .
hu ask me not shuai enuff . no figure . dun lyk tis dun lyk tt .
hahas . nobody will love me also ! used to it .
all ex r the same . im jus a spare tyre .
wad darling la . wad baby la . wad dear la . PUI !
fk off my life la pls . wad memories la .
PLS TELL ME PLS TELL ME .
i really fking dunno wad i shld do la . im breaking down .
but no tears r coming out from my eyes .
wad can i do ? suffer the pain . hahahas .
i rather be a hongster . an ahbeng . a person wit no feelings .
wanna noe the reason ? at least i wun get hurt .
pay money to haf a partner for a while and bye bye ~
wooooooooooo so wonderful right ?
den can tio whack . hong other ppl zharbor . hahahas .
yes yes tt's right ! love tt kinda life la .
i dunno even noe wad the fk im posting as im typing .
ahs fk it . i shall not post again . or till i find a reason to post !

2009-11-14T03:03:00.000+08:00

bored of life . nth seems to be my way .

recently . i rmb-ed of all the things tt happened in the past .
all the wad-so-ever attitude and bad things r flashing thru my mind .

shall not list any examples cos quite private also .
so i shall jus keep them a secret . till my deathbed (;

stoned for a while . idk wad to post . any ideas ?

feel lyk closing blog alr . tis blog isnt meant to b here .
for the reason of opening tis blog is long gone .
mayb u noe im talking bout u ? mayb u dun ?
but anyways . tc and last long wit ur future stead yeas .

mayb ppl would lyk u for hu u r . but tt is onli cos .
they knew u after u changed . sorrie i cant .
take care (;

2009-10-21T02:53:00.001+08:00

after so long im here to post hahas . guess nobody read alr . but if u r reading tis right now . prepared to be dissapointed cos im not gonna gif advice or neither am i gonna ask u all tc . but im here to tell a story .

the story goes lyk tis ~

10 yrs ago . 2 mother in law . not knowing hu call hu till now . saying tt their son/son-in-law do not haf the life of being a boss . the matter was not revealed till 10 yrs later . leds talk about tis boss . he had a habit of spinning the coin whenever he has given up on a quarrel . or be it he has no idea of wad to talk anymore . as long as he is pushed to the corner . tis coin would be his inspiration . be it a gd or bad inspiration . it was his onli hope at tt point of time . 10 yrs ago he was forced to a corner . he starting spinning tis coin of his . he decided to became a boss of his own company . a boss which wouldnt earn much . a boss which had to slog for life . till his retirement . but he nvr gaf up . cos of 1 thing . his family . a family which gaf him the warmth love care and concern . everyday he slogged . day after day . months after months . years after years . he slogged non-stop . till 4 yrs ago . he began to slack . learn the habit of watching soccer . cos of his son . his son ran away from home . other den $ . tis son of his nvr called back . nvr sat down and eat dinner wit the family once for 2 yrs . wad could a guy hu slogged for his life do in the middle of the night . he smoked more n more . watched more n more soccer . health got worse n worse . nth bad happened to him . but he was hurt , deeply , by tis son hu nvr understood his plight of how hard it was to earn $ for the family's survival . tis son of his . kept playing day till night . night to day . ton n ton . bbq n bbq . but nvr once in his mind he was reminded of his family . he heck care his family to the extend tt the family ask him to come home . he would jus go home ask for more $ and go out ton once again . tis routine repeated for 2 yrs . to the son . his perspective was right . cos to him the family didnt wan him . didnt bother bout him . so y stay at home and face 4 walls . or quarrel wit the parents . there is no nid for such things to happen so he decided to left the hse . whether he's right or wrong up till tis point . nobody ever questioned him . but instead let him live in peace and cont wit their life . wad made him realised his wrong . it was the tears of his mother , grandmother and a piece of advice from his aunt . wad his aunt did was . to thrash everything out to him . telling him the past 2 yrs tt wad his mother had been feeling . a strong mother tt didnt cry for 2 yrs let it out all in 1 day . but tis son . tot it was a joke . cos he studies psychology on his own . he tot tt all woman would led it out sooner or later . but not in 1 day . nor in a month . it would last for yrs . but tis son was wrong . therefore improved his psychology learning process . but it didnt made him happy . cos the tears his mother dropped for him . he could feel it in his heart . his heart hurt assive it was a thousand of knives of stabbing at his heart within a split second . tt kinda pain was so unbearable tt cigg became of part his life whenever he felt hurt . but nobody knew . ppl tot it was a habit of his . or he got addicted to it . yes u can say his addicted . cos whenever he smokes . he is reminded of tt pain . but y he wanna feel tt pain ? ever wondered ? cos he wanna remind himself he was hurt once lyk tis . his mother wouldnt be feeling any better . so he nvr did the same thing again . the recent quarrels between his parents . has made him once again tot of running from home . but didnt . cos his brother taking his O lvls . not wanting to led his brother at such a young age of 16 to bear all tis . he told himself to stay on in the family . to be the pillar of the family . to not see tis family break apart . and to not see his brother flunk his O lvls . he did all he could to stay on . but day after day . he gets harder n harder for him . wad more could he do . he kept tinking of many ways . finding tt psychology is useless when he cant even use his reasoning to let tis family stay intact . he took it out on himself . not physically but mentally . he tortured himself . his heart once again felt tt pain . a pain tt was more unbearable den 4 yrs ago . compared to 4 yrs later . nth much he could do . till 3months ago . his parents 1st quarrelled to the extend of divorce . he was worried . his temper started to come back . not respecting status . shouting at his grandmother's unreasonable accusation . he kept all tis in his heart . bursting out 10yrs later . or officially 4 yrs . the whole family was called down for a supposedly *meeting* but turns out to be another quarrel . he kept quiet . sat down . listen . tt's all he could do . mother father . 2 grandmother 1 grandfather . 3 aunt 2 uncles . plus his brother . 12 person . had a heated argument over the things tt happened thru tis 10 yrs . he sat one side . listen . walked to the other side . smoke . tt's all he could do . but he burst . burst out in anger . scolded all of them . ask them to shut the fuck up . everyone scolded him . saying he has no respect for elderly . at tt point . tt boy didnt care too much . he shouted at all of them . saying everything out . 10 yrs ago . the 1st incident was the phone call of saying the boy's father had no life of a boss . the 2nd 1 was quarrelling about an overseas trip which the boy's mother took a safety charm for 3 families except 1 . in total of 4 families involved . tis caused tt family to misunderstood the boy's mother and quarrelled . the 3rd 1 was about giving money to the the grandsons whenever they go overseas as a good luck sign and not giving to the granddaughters cos to the grandmother . she favours boys over gals . but wad could b done . nth ? so they let it pass . and many thousand and one things happened . all tis small matters they jus forgive and forget . letting tt grandmother tink everything she's right . so she began to spout nonsense . making roti prata out of her words . twist and turn . there was onli her say . and no one's else say . the boy's mother got angry . over the 4 yrs tt she treated them lyk family . ( from the boy's mother perspective ) their family treated her lyk an outsider . jus a daughter-in-law . the boy got fed up . scolded the grandmother sons and daughters including his own father . it is all because u kids spoiled her . everything forgive and forget . right or wrong forget it . tt's y she's liddat . he said shut the fuck up cos the noise was too unbearable in the middle of the night . tis boy lived a life tt was nvr goin his way for 10 yrs . many things could be changed . he tried . and failed . nvr gif up . tried again . and failed again . he was too demoralised . he flunk his N . didnt do well enuff to go up to O lvls . at a young age of 18 . his waiting for his NS . started to wonder about his life . wad would change if he had studied . pass his N lvls . or even be more rebellious . would tis haf happened . he unknowingly had many thoughts flashing thru his mind . the worse also got . the best also got . but he nvr did any of it . cos he aint haf the capabilities . tonight was the worse nightmare tt boy had . cos nobody knew how he felt . secondly he saw his mother bang her head against the wall . trying to jump down the building . although the mother didnt succeed in doin so . he was worried till he also spit his heart out . he was all alone . in his heart . it was darkness . nvr would be daylight till matters resolve . how would tis story cont on . nobody noes . he onli could let nature take its course . but how long would nature take to react . he nvr knew . all he could do . was to sing his lungs out . smoke his life away . tink n tink n tink . his bro once told him . if u ever start tinking . u would nvr stop tinking . he knew tt all along . but he couldnt help it . all he could do was to tink , tink and tink ... life goes on ? or ends here . nobody noes . but the story stops here ...

P.S : its a rl story . if it made u cry . im sorrie . if it made u sad . im sorrie . if it made u realise the importance of family r/s . good for u . if it made u wake up and work hard in life . good job . tt's all for now peeps .

2009-08-25T00:13:00.001+08:00

officially single . thx for the past 4 months .
take care in wadeva u do . i've no say anymore (:
tc and bb . sorrie to 3 ppl .

xuan : u r a smart gal . i noe u expected tis outcome . tc in wadeva u do . cya nxt time . sorrie to tell u tt we will b meeting lesser . bb .

jena : i tink i sms u alr . if u didnt see nvm . sorrie i wun be meeting u often alr . take care yeas . cherish and treasure the sisters u haf . bb .

xinyi : ur chi bang ying alr . hope u independent . im goin off . so tc of urself . dun be xmm alr . u r the 1 i worry most inside 3 of u all . cos u r the most childish and naive 1 . the other 2 wun make me worry cos they r independent and mature . bb .

2009-08-08T23:18:00.001+08:00

will be mia . no internet . internet is down .

nth much to say . i hope things improved .
parents would be coming back on tues .
i hope everything remains as it is . or btr .

2009-08-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

meaningless life . totally meaningless .
smoke till my lungs burst . the onli thing left to do .
i live in quarrels and taiji . do i look lyk im happy ?
a smile from the heart so hard to get ?
i jus realised it . jus realised smth .
realised tt i haven laughed with my heart for wks .
wad's left to live on . if i cant do anything wit my heart .
but im doin all the things im supposed to do for the sake of it .
jus for the fking sake of doin it .
i feel so useless . so lost . so hopeless .
so confused . so contradicting . so clear yet blank . hais .
fk tis life . when will it be over .

2009-07-30T03:07:00.000+08:00

hmms emoing tis few days . wonder y .
nth to do wit relationship no worries peeps .

to ash bro : thx for always pei-ing me . i noe u took the time to came down . and told me u dun wan go home is jus to pei me . whether real or fake . thx alot for ur concern . last long wit ur gal yeahs . (:

to xiaosao : mayb u wun read tis . but thx loads for ur help . whether u cheered me up or not . not impt to me . main thing is the thoughts . thx (:

to baby : mayb we haf alot of problems . i hope no more . i might not be able to take it anymore . i've been breaking down until we clarify matters . i hope lesser of tis happen . 28.04.09 (:

to venice : welcome my fren (: i noe we noe each other not long . but no worries . frens start lyk tis . slowly we will be get to noe each other btr . (:

to yanyan : wuya . take care of urself yeas . dun keep sick hahas . lyk pig . lj (birds) for life (:

to neenee : hope u noe wad u r doin . led tis story end . shall not start it again . i doubt u wan it too . (: take care and all the best yeas . rmb to take care of ur sickness .

tis few days pass quite slowly somehow . my ahgong in hospital and all . how i wish all tis problems would be solved asap . and the happy silent/blur would be back . i dunno hw many wish for me to come back . but definitely haf . for those hu wished im back . thx to u all . im still here . i dunno whether im daring enuff to take my own life . but im sure if im goin thru a huge breakdown anything is possible (: hahas .

jus now went in audi . suddenly got tis zharbor called guailan . 15 yrs old . say i cute LOLS . ask me see her frenster . look average . but so ahlian . not my type lols . ahlian = nono . (: dun try be a hongster if u cant . hahas . looks not impt . but attitude is . u dun haf tt . so fk off .

audi is goin thru a major problem . more n more keyboard warriors . so no life tsk . but nvm . i gonna inactive audi soon . not for maple . but for myself (: ppl in audi hu has problem . jy . and goodluck lols . nth left to say .

TAGS REPLY !

--G-INAAAAA-: LOLOLOL ! i hophophop to ur blog x: anyway HELLO SILENTTTT !

LOLS WTF . nice hopping . bloody frog ;x

Jena / ♥: Brother . Idk what to say , i realy dk . But i dun wish to see both of your walking that way . Anything , feel free to contact me . I wont forget you , you're my brother . Stop saying those negative things . I want to see my old brother back . Bring him back will you ?

hahas . ur brother might be coming back soon (: no worries sister <3

--ahXUAN: please silent.. as what jena saiid.. all of us dont wanna see that happen.. please change ur mind to postive. as what u always ask me to do. takecare all th best<3>

suresure . u tc too yeahs . <3>

Liing :D: Baby!sorry for the misunderstanding worrs. Smile okays maii always emo liaos larhs ):! loveyous plenty! ♥

hahas . i hope no more . as mentioned above (: smile toos . <3

xυε: omg...im late to wish u. Happy belated bdae.!

no worries buddy ! at least u wished me . alot of singaporeans out there bo wish me yet (: cos they dunno me LOLS !

stephanie: HELLOOOO WUYAYAYAYAYAYA LMAO :X your profile 'slient' i presuming it's typo :X

WAD TYPO ! OI ! hu ur WUYAYAYAYAYAYA SIAO ! bo chat means not entitled to call me tt LOLS

XINLE: hey tagged (; faster slove th problem don't be sad ler

rofls . alrights . thx for the tag .

2009-07-28T19:39:00.000+08:00

i guess everything has an end .
i guess our r/s would end soon .
sorrie i noe its hurting . but .
to me . there isnt a point to cont .
wit all tis attitude goin on .
jus forget me yeas . sorrie .

2009-07-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

2dae my bday . but i aint feeling happy somehow .
though i had many ppl wishing me happy bday and stuff .
thx to all hu wished me . u all r much loved !
hw i spent my bday .

i played audi from 12 to 5.30 am .
went to slp till 9 .
aircon man came and repair my aircon .
till 12 i fell asleep . now 8pm den i wake up hahas .
so means . i basically slept my birthday away .

nothing much to post . hais .

2009-07-18T01:07:00.000+08:00

here i am to blog .
tis post is mainly for u .

mayb i dun haf the courage to say hw i changed when u asked me . u always ask me whether u shld appear in my life . the ans is yes . i do wanna last . hw to make it last ? i dunno . dun ask me . i really really dunno . hais . i noe mayb i failed u . mayb i led u down . mayb i hurt u . mayb u feel cheated . but i dunno ... we r talking lesser and lesser . 1 day contact thru sms 3 or 4 times ? tt's it ? hahas . mayb its a joke . did fate really tie us together . or was taking tis step a big big mistake . i really dunno . mayb shld reconsider . i tried adapting to ur life . u told me u rather i slp . rather i haf my own life . cos u said u wanted gif mi the freedom i gaf u too . now tt i haf changed to the old me . u said i changed . baby . i really dunno wad to do . i aint haf the courage to do anything now . i am no longer the sweet boy or lovable boy u once loved . i am no longer de silent u knew as ur gan ? i changed ? mayb i did . changed to a person i myself dunno hu i am ? i guess so . mayb u r rite . i changed . but im jus here to tell u . i am really lost . lost in a world of no where . lost in a state of confusion . lost in a state of lost . mayb u dun understand . cos i myself dun understand . as i am typing tis . i am having a bad headache do u noe ? i told u slp early . mayb b4 2am . cos i noe youngsters all lyk to slp late . slp = waste of time . i been thru ur age once . but baby . these few days . 11pm++ u tell me u r sleeping . i really am wondering haf i changed ur life ? shld i even enter ur life . or shld i jus end tis disastrous dream . tis dream tt i nvr once had u gaf it to me . u told me i was urs for life . we made a ring . u told me we shldnt . cos it caused our 1st quarrel . after 2 and a half yrs . hahas . do u really believe in such things ? i dunno . cos i myself dun believe . i now am speechless here . trying to tink wad else is dere left . cos to me tis dream has been ended . by both of us . i really wanna continue dreaming . but can i ? or can u make tis dream cont ? lately u dun ask me to call . neither do u sms me . till night time when u tink i shld be active . den u sms me asking y i didnt sms u . mayb its my fault . always sms u last time . i've lost many things . and gain many things . i tot gaining u was the best thing i had . but it seems lyk it was a 1 way traffic . i tot all along i am impt to u . but it seems lyk i am less and less impt to u . i feel so stranger each time we talk on fone . it seems lyk we were onli suited to be online couple . but i dun wan . i really dun wan tis to happen . but it happened . u asked me whether i regret tis b4 . my ans is also a yes . cos i changed a pure gal's life . into a disastrous life . a bad choice i made my whole life . i nvr tot of being right if being wit u was wrong . but it seems lyk many decisions haf proved us to be wrong . can we prove tt we r right . or shld we jus led it go . i cant bear to led u go . but many things u do . r making my mind occupied wit jus a big question mark . a big big 1 . so big till it makes me lost . is tis the feeling of love ? or is tis jus the feeling of confused . y does it seem lyk im losing interest in u . or isit jus the feeling u gif mi . so many question mark surrounding my mind . do u noe tt baby ? pls tell me . i really am lost ... a totally shagged mind and a totally lost me . i dun even noe hu i am . hu i belong to . hu shld i turn to . hu really loves me . hu i really love . when u tell me u miss me . do u mean it ? when u tell me u love it do u mean it ? or u really meant it . but nvr ever rmb-ed i had feelings too . i noe we didnt quarrel . i not posting tis . cos we quarreled . but i dun wish to cont a r/s wit a question mark . i rather get it cleared out . i rather jus pour everything out . share wit u . and discuss . but each time i see u . i cant bear to open my mouth . i dun wanna hurt u . noe how much pressure am i undergoing ? i dun tink u noe . studies ? army ? working ? which shld i choose . or shld i jus end my life . or shld i jus cry it all out and take it nth has happened ? i cried many times . not alot . not for long . jus a drop or 2 . but it means a great deal to me . cos i noe . i hardly cry . do u really understand me ? or r u even trying to understand me ? do u really tink i shld live on my life lyk normal . or shld i jus adapt to ur life . hais . pls tell me ..

im sorrie if i made u sad . or i hurt u .. i jus dun wanna hide anything ...
tc baby . wit lots of loves .

2009-07-12T05:58:00.000+08:00

I want to run away.
Inside my bright red screams.
I want to break the doors.
Holding back my dreams.

I want to run away.
But there's nothing out there.
I want to shatter windows.
That look out on nowhere.

The past I cannot forget.
But my hearts might be filled with great regrets.

Loving is living.
You have to be giving.
Hiding away won't solve the problem today.
Embrace each chance to give your heart away.

As i gaze into the emptiness that fills the air.
A droplet tends to fall.
While my memory races back to the time.
When i thought i had it all.

During the night a stain is made.
And at the same time all my pain is able to fade.
The only true feeling that i feel, is the wetness.
A drop that is left by a single tear.

Love hurts but take chances.
You will find different romances.
I will open my heart once more.
But my heart will always be sore.

This is not life.
If I'm already dead.
My bleeding heart stopped beating.
And tears i no longer shed.

called the sun and he answered me.
I called the moon and she treasured me.
I called the stars and they cried for me.
When i called your name only silence came back to me.

I called the earth and she befriended me.
I called the sky and she watched over me.

I called the seas and they refreshed me.
When i whispered your name only silence came back to me.

I called the wind and he carried me.
I called the fire and he lit for me.
I called the animals and they sang for me.
When i spoke your name only silence came back to me.

I've seen you pass with my very eyes.
I've seen you smile and my heart just sighs.

When you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be head, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits. When you love, you must not accept anything in return. For if you do, you're not loving but investing. If you love, you must prepare to accept pain. For if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using.

True love hears what is not spoken and understands what is not explained. For love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart.. Love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave and you can never go without leaving your prints behind.

Don't love a person like a flower, because a flower dies in season. Love them like a river because a river flows forever. Love doesn't have to have a happy ending, cause love doesn't have to end at all. Never be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance.

Together
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry', not 'where are you' but 'I'm right here', not 'how could you' but 'I understand', not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are'.

Heartbroken
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

Possessive
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else, but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

Still holding on
A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and we just have to let go.

all tis . is in my previous blog (: some might haf read it . but nvm i shall repost .

now chatting wit ahxuan yanyan and constelle .
though not close but fun to chat .
1 sentence i heard . i gif number to close 1 .
i also gif number to ppl hu i trust nias . (:
dun worry no other meaning . u r interesting .

baby : u jus sms me . i bet u haf fallen asleep . i told u no matter wad . i will slp onli when i really cannot tahan . i dun wish to see u wake up thru a nightmare . and realise nobody's beside u . dun worry yeas baby . i am always here for u . though sometimes u tink i treat u coldly . or neglected u . i onli can say sorrie . cos i haf frens to help also . sorrie baby for not being there when u needed me . i love u loads (:

2009-06-30T17:57:00.001+08:00

back to posting . i tink i gonna rant loads of shit in tis blog during these few days .
i got no where to vent my anger . my temper is coming out . i dun wish for it to happen .
because i dunno where my anger might go . and hu it might be on .

tis post . for now . is meant for U onli .
i heard from xinyi mei already . i noe all ur complains . but haf u ever stood in my shoes and tot jus for a min . i told u if u wanna find tt gal trouble . u would b at the losing end nias . tis was all i said . if anything wrong pls tell me . but lyk i said . if the gal find u trouble . feel free to call me if she calls anybody down to help her . did u rmb tis ? did u tell tis to xinyi ? or did u jus told her bout hw i did not bother bout u . u told me everythings fine . but wad i hear doesnt seem to be wad u said . i pei u sms till 10am plus on ur 1st day of schl . i jus worried u cant wake up . afterall ur holiday mood would still b dere . i was once a 15 yrs old . i noe hw it felt baby . but did u ever tot i was tired and woke up in the night . u said u didnt 1 to wake me up . but ur last sms was u reach home call me . i didnt recieve any calls . i tot u would b outside . i didnt want to disturb ur outing . i jus wanted led u haf ur fun baby . its ur freedom . all tis i wun control . but if cos i not controlling ur freedom u tink i treating u coldly . i really am sorrie . i dunno how control a person . cos to me controlling is treating tt person as ur dog . i dun wan tis . wad i wan is u to haf ur freedom and love me lyk always . do u tink i wan control ur freedom when i noe ur parents r so strict . u wanted a bf to love u care for u and take care of u . i dun tink u wan a bf to be ur 2nd parents ? haf u ever tot y i stayed up late watching my movie and all but not slping ? i jus worried u got nightmares wake up nobody to talk to u might be afraid . i noe of all the things u r scared . so i jus try to pei u as much as possible . after i start work . or mayb army . do u tink i haf the time to pei u if u had a nightmare and woke up in the middle of the night ? do u tink i could gif u a morning call . i dun tink so . by tt time even u wan all tis to happen . i cant make it happen for u already baby . i noe u haf xinyi to tell all ur things to . i dun haf . i onli haf tis blog . but i am always afraid the things i post u might be jealous . u might get sad over it . i really dunno wad to do . u r the onli 1 i haf left to say my things out . but u get worried too easily . i dun wan u worry over me . last time i use to haf ash . but now his busy . now i got jon . but his too busy wit schl stuffs . do u really tink i wan tis to happen ? i gaf up all my frens for u alr . i can tell u tt if we were to break up . silent will disappear . a hongster will appear . cos u r the last 1 i really felt love wit . a gal tt doesnt wan my money . a gal tt has no money but willing to spend it on me . i jus dun wish my stead to b an ahlian . if ppl tio u . u call ppl down help u . tt isnt ahlian . is jus self defending . but if u tio ppl and call ur back up . tt is ahlian baby . i dun wan u to tink u haf the world's backing to tio anyone . tt's y i dun wan u tio ppl . if liddat u tink i neglecting u . here i am apologising . tis is my feelings . is smth i didnt wanna say . but i dun wish tis r/s to cont wit tears and pain . i wan it to be filled wit smiles and sweetness . tis is wad i promised . but i cant seem to do it . am i such a failure ? mus i really b lyk wad i was last time in order to be *successful* ? i dun hope so . i dun wan be ahbeng no more . i dun wan fight lyk nobody's business . i dun wan shed blood for a stranger . i dun wan shed tears for a person tt doesnt love me . each time i hear u cry . my heart cries . do u noe tt ? i really haf no idea hw to treat u . in order for u to feel tt i am treating u wit warmth . and with love . i hate myself for tis . sorrie baby .

tis is all i haf to say . i am sorrie baby . sorrie for treating u coldly .
sorrie for all the times i made u sad .
sorrie for all the times i made u jealous .
sorrie for all the times i hurt u .
sorrie for all the times i made u worried .
s-o-r-r-i-e ~ hais .

2009-06-12T20:54:00.000+08:00

now 8.55 lurhs . des suppose come in dota at 8.45 . dunno where he go z .

now a proper post i guess (:
ppl always say i bo update . but they themselves also nvr update rawrs .
wholeday say onli i nvr update . sneaky sia .
imissdie soxn . (: u will nvr noe hw much i miss u .
started to feel abit feverish agains . i hate tis feeling .
cant breathe properly and my taste bud sux .
i eat wad drink wad also cannot get proper taste . haiyo .
jus finish playing sudden attack . a game similar to counter-strike .
b4 tt was playing audi . i haf become a so called entertain-er in audi .
all looking to conf wit me so can make them laugh .
at least i feel btr now . i cannot counsel them at least can make them smile .

today i helped minn/jena found a audi cpl hahas . my last dollar didnt go to waste (:
many things happened lately . lyk my mood feel down all tt .
so didnt really come and bother posting . sorrie readers and taggers .

i wonder if i am goin back to my old life anot .
i feel lyk starting a brand new story wit her . and not onli her .
but of cos wit my lovely frens . i wun forget u peeps (:

alrights i goin dota . post again some other days . bye peeps .

2009-06-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

back to bloggin ! nth to blog lurhs ! mind blank .
but bo bians . die die also mus blog 2 sentence :(
kena complained . ppl say my blog got tags no post LOLs ;x
so mus post post . to balance out the taggies and posty ~
i am so bored ! bored die me !
audition server sux ! keep lagging lyk mad !
sudden attack rox ! bang bang bang !
MY MIND IS BLANK !!!
later den i edit (:

Baby our ever lasting r/s

2009-06-05T12:50:00.000+08:00

ii tink he iish sleeping now barhs...
yoohoooo ii tink he saw miie update will shock barhs.
cos his blog reli going D E A D soooooon. see ii so gd help euu:X
(lyk real :X!tsk tsk :X)
baby reli sorri lehs.ii noe ii kip break promise.
butt ii reli didnt meant it dehhs larhs. ii reli promise will go down find euu inbetween tis 3 daes. tis tym ii will reli make it liaos. *hook finger :D*
baby its fate tu noe euus.
28o4o9;2318pm i'm always yours :D
愛しています (:

2009-05-29T01:42:00.000+08:00

added onto the previous post . (:

for xinyi meimei .
wadeva u do . rmb to take care of urselfs yeas . if contacts hurting u . tell me . korkor will help u make (: anyone bully . rmb to say it out . dun keep it to urself . rmb tt we care for u yeas . i dunno u for long . but i believe i still will take care of u (: study hard too uhs . c u soon (: love u ~

2009-05-28T04:45:00.000+08:00

4.45 am now <3 happy 1 month anni to my laopo !
i love u wifey ~

alrights . nw listening to jiang nan . her fav song (:
dunno wad to do . came here to post agains .
later goin out wit her wee-woo-weets ! ;x
i tink she see the timing of tis post i sure kena chop .
but hu cares . i really cant slp :( hope she slping now (:

alrights . another point . to my bro . ash !
i noe wad u r up to lately . i wun do anything but silently support u . i will always be lyk last time . supporting wadeva u do . whether gd or bad . leds do it together . u haf my support . i hope i haf urs too . i love u bro ! i will nvr forget the days we been thru for tis past 5 yrs (:

another bro ;x jon !
i noe 2dae is a sad day for u . though is my happy day . i wun be totally happy cos i noe out dere some where u r aint happy . though u r happy for me . i appreciate it . thx loads . but i would lyk u to noe . anything anytime . pls share wit me wad u r tinking alrights . no matter hw busy . how irritated . hw no mood i am . i promise i will b dere to lend u a listening ear . i love u too ~

nxt up ! fate ling ~
long time no see . i dunno hw u r now . i dunno if u r still tt guai . i dunno if u r tt playful . i dunno if u r tt 'joker-ful' . but i definitely noe 1 thing . our r/s is stable (: i definitely noe . i still care alot for u . sorrie tt i mia also nvr contact u . tt doesnt mean u dun mean a thing to me . i onli wanna tell u . take care ling . i am always here ! loves !

xinle .
i guess i told u wad i needed to say . nth much left to say (: hope u grow up mature . dun shed those precious tears for me . cos i aint worth it . shed it for ur loved ones . rmb . treasure those in front of u . dun make the mistake u made in the past . i hope after we sort out our things . we can remain as frens for now (: all the best . good luck (:

xuexue ~
i wun forget u lurhs ! u will always be my 'gerger' . take much cares of urself . ur leg injured jiu dun walk so much . when free jus call me and chat (: jio me out also if u wan . any things troubling u pls share wit me . i definitely will help u . its a promise alrights . dun tink too much . i wan my gf . at the same times . i nid u buddies to be here too . a world is nvr bout 2 person yeas (: take cares gerger ! wit loves ~

laopo ! i dunno wad to say ;x
but jus to tell u . ever since i met u . i been blinded . not by love . not by u . not by light . but by ur heart . u genuinely cared and loved me . for once i trust love again all thx to u . my love cannot be expressed in words nor action . cos love is smth tt is meant to be felt . i hope u rest well eat well study well . cos i noe . if u dun . its also alrights . cos i will b here to take care of u . i promise i will gif up almost anything for u . but of cos there r exceptions . lyk my bros . my sisters . my frens . and my loved ones . i will not say i put u 1st in my heart . but i wanna led u noe . u occupy a huge portion of my heart . a place where nobody can dominate (:

alrights . tt's it for 2dae bahs . i took almost 15mins lols . now is 5am . i guess i shld get goin . b4 my gf starts to worry . i love u peeps yeas ! lovessssssss ~

2009-05-25T04:19:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To Laopo
Happy Birthday To You

MY BIRTHDAY WISHES TO MY LAOPO !
1) dun be so naughty
2) dun become ahlian
3) stay cute always !
love die u ! (read tis in chinese)

sorrie for the late post (:
gonna post bout things tt happened ytd !
gonna sleep soon . as its 4.20am ._. lols !
bout 24o5o9 ! i got married in audi wit her at 2.28am ~
we went out to plaza 1stly to play arcade (:
with much loves to laopo and xy meimei .
den after tt we headed to marina barrage !
poor meimei . walk abit say *ai wa eh mia arhs !*
in simple terms means wan my life uhs !
lolols ! how cute can she get . after tt went up .
saw many many funny things happening . a lovely romantic place .
we saw a couple taking marriage pic ! so sweet .
next we saw a bunch of graduates wearing the *square* hat !
den we saw tis funny group . which appeared to be veri refine .
not till they open their mouth (: figure out the rest urself . lols !
a while later . xy meimei and laopo started *fighting* den camwhore !
i so poor thing :( but nvm ! my laopo and mei enjoyed themselves i hope .
after which we went back to plaza to eat JUSTASIA .
laopo . no more eating spicy chicken ;x arbo headache !
i eat finish all the chilli go home!
played audi den dota den audi agains .
den suddenly my brother came in . he asked me bout many things .
so i stopped audi den pei him talk . till lyk 2+ 3 . den i led him chill out .
allowed him to use my comp play SUDDEN ATTACK . a similar game to CS .
den after tt went to audi . play play den came out now and post !

laopo . happy birthday to u ! be a good girl . listen to me ! ;x
okie lastly take care readers . if there r still any ;x hahas !

2009-05-23T22:36:00.000+08:00

1st post for tis blog ! woots ;x
hope there would be more ppl to tag my blog or i take away my tag board ;x lols !
1stly . i stead on 28o4o9 ~ muacks ! nvr ending r/s <3
2ndly . tmr is my darlings bday ! <3
3rdly . thurs is our 1 month anni !
looking forward to all tis ~ <3
kk tis would be a short post . (: