.Saturday, July 18, 2009 ' 1:07 AM Y
blogged
here i am to blog .
tis post is mainly for u .
mayb i dun haf the courage to say hw i changed when u asked me . u always ask me whether u shld appear in my life . the ans is yes . i do wanna last . hw to make it last ? i dunno . dun ask me . i really really dunno . hais . i noe mayb i failed u . mayb i led u down . mayb i hurt u . mayb u feel cheated . but i dunno ... we r talking lesser and lesser . 1 day contact thru sms 3 or 4 times ? tt's it ? hahas . mayb its a joke . did fate really tie us together . or was taking tis step a big big mistake . i really dunno . mayb shld reconsider . i tried adapting to ur life . u told me u rather i slp . rather i haf my own life . cos u said u wanted gif mi the freedom i gaf u too . now tt i haf changed to the old me . u said i changed . baby . i really dunno wad to do . i aint haf the courage to do anything now . i am no longer the sweet boy or lovable boy u once loved . i am no longer de silent u knew as ur gan ? i changed ? mayb i did . changed to a person i myself dunno hu i am ? i guess so . mayb u r rite . i changed . but im jus here to tell u . i am really lost . lost in a world of no where . lost in a state of confusion . lost in a state of lost . mayb u dun understand . cos i myself dun understand . as i am typing tis . i am having a bad headache do u noe ? i told u slp early . mayb b4 2am . cos i noe youngsters all lyk to slp late . slp = waste of time . i been thru ur age once . but baby . these few days . 11pm++ u tell me u r sleeping . i really am wondering haf i changed ur life ? shld i even enter ur life . or shld i jus end tis disastrous dream . tis dream tt i nvr once had u gaf it to me . u told me i was urs for life . we made a ring . u told me we shldnt . cos it caused our 1st quarrel . after 2 and a half yrs . hahas . do u really believe in such things ? i dunno . cos i myself dun believe . i now am speechless here . trying to tink wad else is dere left . cos to me tis dream has been ended . by both of us . i really wanna continue dreaming . but can i ? or can u make tis dream cont ? lately u dun ask me to call . neither do u sms me . till night time when u tink i shld be active . den u sms me asking y i didnt sms u . mayb its my fault . always sms u last time . i've lost many things . and gain many things . i tot gaining u was the best thing i had . but it seems lyk it was a 1 way traffic . i tot all along i am impt to u . but it seems lyk i am less and less impt to u . i feel so stranger each time we talk on fone . it seems lyk we were onli suited to be online couple . but i dun wan . i really dun wan tis to happen . but it happened . u asked me whether i regret tis b4 . my ans is also a yes . cos i changed a pure gal's life . into a disastrous life . a bad choice i made my whole life . i nvr tot of being right if being wit u was wrong . but it seems lyk many decisions haf proved us to be wrong . can we prove tt we r right . or shld we jus led it go . i cant bear to led u go . but many things u do . r making my mind occupied wit jus a big question mark . a big big 1 . so big till it makes me lost . is tis the feeling of love ? or is tis jus the feeling of confused . y does it seem lyk im losing interest in u . or isit jus the feeling u gif mi . so many question mark surrounding my mind . do u noe tt baby ? pls tell me . i really am lost ... a totally shagged mind and a totally lost me . i dun even noe hu i am . hu i belong to . hu shld i turn to . hu really loves me . hu i really love . when u tell me u miss me . do u mean it ? when u tell me u love it do u mean it ? or u really meant it . but nvr ever rmb-ed i had feelings too . i noe we didnt quarrel . i not posting tis . cos we quarreled . but i dun wish to cont a r/s wit a question mark . i rather get it cleared out . i rather jus pour everything out . share wit u . and discuss . but each time i see u . i cant bear to open my mouth . i dun wanna hurt u . noe how much pressure am i undergoing ? i dun tink u noe . studies ? army ? working ? which shld i choose . or shld i jus end my life . or shld i jus cry it all out and take it nth has happened ? i cried many times . not alot . not for long . jus a drop or 2 . but it means a great deal to me . cos i noe . i hardly cry . do u really understand me ? or r u even trying to understand me ? do u really tink i shld live on my life lyk normal . or shld i jus adapt to ur life . hais . pls tell me ..
im sorrie if i made u sad . or i hurt u .. i jus dun wanna hide anything ...
tc baby . wit lots of loves .
Labels: a question mark
